Fiction
Daniel Ableev
The Secret of the House of Cough
Forrest Aguirre
Wisdom, Companionship & the Brain
KJ Hannah Greenberg
First, Penguins Driving Mazdas
Mykle Hansen
Cheese & Cat Sandwich
Kyle Hemmings
The Nixon Tapes: Part II
Philip Kopel
Intermission
Niko Krommydas
Murphy Brown's Newscaster
Kurt Newton
Author Bios Zombie Apocalypse
Ryan Ridge
On Broadway
Eric Schaller
The Baby in the Forest

Steve Sommerville
The Floating Bed
Ray Wallace
Last Man Standing
Joshua Wheeler
Mother on the Wall

Feature Story
John Edward Lawson
A Brief History of Mummies

Book Excerpts
D. Harlan Wilson
The Nowhere Incident
Jeremy C. Shipp
Fungus of the Heart

Microcriticism
Anthony D. Poerio
The End of Reading

Reviews
A Million Versions of Right
Around a Dark Corner
Asphalt Flowerhead + Vital Fluid
Lowlife Underdogs
Posthuman Dada Guide
Technologized Desire

Artwork
Kristen Margiotta


HOME
MASTHEAD
SUBMISSIONS
ARCHIVES
LINKS

The Secret of the House of Cough
Daniel Ableev


“Sir Zirkum Lenk.“

“Yes.“

“We have a mystery for you.“

“Yes.”

“It’s about the International House of Cough.”

“Yes.”

“Have you already been there?”

“Yes.”

———

During the winter months, Flow developed a rare skin condition which was notorious for its obnoxiousness. The skin on his arms, for example, would turn greenish; additionally some quirky yellowish lesions would emerge. On his right foot Flow got something even more disgusting—little eyes covered it from head to toe. Those eyes were blind, but nevertheless they tried to look at Flow. They would like to watch me die, thought Flow, and was quite right in doing so. For those eyesy eyes belonged to no less than Anencephalluspazz whose specialty was to teleport organs (or at least organic stuff) onto some stupid motherfuck or whateva braun …

Despite his “eye thing,” Flow went to meet his wife Ikanom in a café called “The Red Loop of Cinematic Subatomania.” As always, the little café was very crowded and Flow had to punch and shriek his way through those endless pieces of breathing meat. There, in a corner, Ikanom waited patiently for his arrival. Only now did Flow realize that Ikanom was in fact his patient:

“Ikanom, are you really?”

“What?”

“You know.”

“What are we talking about?”

“I think you know very well.”

“No, I am not!”

“I didn’t say: I think you are very well-known, I said: I think you know very well."

“No, I do not!!”

“Well, ok, let’s [INSERT PORTRAIT OF DOGSHIT + SCISSORS] for a moment. Why did you want to meet me in the first place?”

“To develop that woman who thinks she is sleepy until something really strange happens.”

“And then she is suddenly not so sleepy anymore, right?”

“Exactly!”

Ikanom levitated awkwardly inside her own cough.

———

ASSIGNMENT #4 – DISPOSE OF ANENCEPHALLUSPAZZ

infiltrate anencephalluspazz camp

remain undetected by anencephalluspazz

destroy anencephalluspazz home

destroy anencephalluspazz wife

destroy anencephalluspazz

self-destroy

———

“Well.”

“What do you want from me?!”

“Are you?”

“Suck my kack!”

“I mean, to be honest, I do sense some sort of … Would you like to elaborate?”

Ikanom looked at his month … husband from a perspective which had been declared illegal in the states of Origin and Untropya.

“I am not! Who the fuck do you think I am? Some powerslut?!”

“Do you really think that it’s completely impossible for a married couple to have you-know-what?”

“But you told me yourself that your lousy penis has been gnawed away by a lynx. I am not some retarded animal from the Weird Forests, you know! You can’t go around and pretend that I am something, even if I’m someone!”

That was it. Flow started to know that she was pregnant with brain desease.

“Honey," he said as soon and calm as possible, “please go home, lie down and be full of shit there, will you?”

Ikanom levitated awkwardly inside her own cough.

———

“Mr. Lenk.”

“Yes.”

“Would you be interested in solving this little mystery for us?”

“Yes.”

“Can you start immediately?”

“Yes.”

“Our driver will take you to the International House of Cough.”

“Yes.”


Daniel "Seltsamkeitsforschung" Ableev is a certified strangeologist from Germany who wants you to encounter the truly bizarre art of Eugen Egner, Matthew Barney, Das Lab, Thomas Ligotti, Matt Maiellaro, Chris Morris, Luigi Serafini, Tim & Eric, or Prögressor if you haven't encountered it yet. Please, encounter it immediately! You should also consider encountering many other gifted and truly bizarre artists like Robert Aickman, Steve Aylett, Mick Barr, Vernon Chatman, Peter Chung, David Firth, Lül Madrung Gurkofolßowö-X°X, Neil Hamburger, Armando Iannucci, Uyp Jawwy, Magma, Jens Mander, Jerry Samuels, Christoph Schlingensief, Stanislav Wanzman, and many more.